Why?

Do you ever just lie there wondering why? Why your voice isn't heard, you're screaming but still no one hears you. You've watched and waited and now you're warning, no one listens.

A couple thoughts and feelings

You're the first thing I think of, each morning I arise.

You are the last thing I think of, each night I close my eyes.

My feelings are growing strong, with every move you make. 

You're an angel from above, who takes my pain away.

You are the miracle in my life, who always makes me smile.

Just knowing that you care, makes me life worth-while.

You've touched my heart and my soul, stained it with your love.

Your gentle words will never leave my heart. 

You're everything I want, so pure and true.

I love you with everything I have.

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Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl, it feeds on loneliness and creates a void.

Grey shadows haunt, torment, and abuse.

A girl is stricken and destroyed.

There is not a sound of laughter or a smiling face to see, 

the little ones have given up and took the easy road home.

Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul.

It is futile to hope, dream, and pray.

Emptiness builds a home here in this woman, in this girl, this child, where hollows have bred.

A deepening sea of darkness consumes the soul,  it eats away at every connecting thread.

Confusion feels savage inside of her, she is destined to walk through life less than ordinary.

Alone.

Exiled.

Different.

&

Disdained.

~Sarah-Mae

Whew, what a day

Well, first off I should start by apologizing for not posting sooner. I intended to post more often, honestly. Sometimes things just don't work out, huh?
Lately I've been doing really well, surprisingly... I've gotten out a lot though, which makes my days a lot better. When I go out with my friends nothing else really matters. I can just have fun, like a "normal" teenage girl.

What is "normal"?


I can't get into all of that right now, I'll get back to you on this in a "Society" post. Haha...


I love just hanging out, I could sit around and talk for hours and be totally ecstatic. I don't know... I like and appreciate the little things in life now days, I guess it's becoming a habit of sort. I notice a lot more than the average person, due to my OCD and just the way I am, I suppose. I didn't really... What's the word... Not that I didn't pay attention to the small stuff, I guess I didn't really concern myself with it? It just didn't matter to me. I took things for granted. I took everything for granted. I have learned and I am learning how to notice the "small" things and to really appreciate them. I don't really remember where I was going with this... I'm tired now. Heh heh.
Well anyways. I want to do lots of things in my life. Little and big things such as museum hopping and sky diving. Touring Europe, Asia, etc. Take a road trip, I love driving around. Haha.
If you're interested in museum hopping with me you should definitely let me know. I have to warn you though, I don't do much socializing when I'm at museums. ...I'm a nerd...
I'll take notes... Gawk for a few minutes... Stuff like that... But hey, you're more than welcome to keep me company. If you love me, take me to the Science Museum or like... Fort Snelling... Even the art museum. :p





~Sarah-Mae

I should really post before I go to sleep

Ah well, people come and go... I find it much easier to just not let people in and grow close to them than you have had such good people in my life. I guess you could say it's the "easy way out" again. I have so much love and I am willing to give it, I just wish that others would return said love.. I've been hurt too many times. You know that phrase "It's better to have loved and lost that love than to have never loved."? I'm to the point where I would much rather have never loved, than to have loved and lost that love. Really.

Oh boy, suddenly I feel ill. Probably because it's 12:10 in the morning, I just took my sleeping pill on an empty stomach, I've been staring at this screen just about all day, I'm practically stating at the ceiling light, and I'm listening to this tragic song which I fell in love with. <3

I sit at the computer a lot, for many different reasons. I think I should invest in a pair of computer glasses. They reflect the glare and such which protects your eyes, you're not supposed to get headaches and such. I found some on Amazon for a decent price, and another pair for not so decent. One-hundred dollars. xD

I wanted to make a longer post but I really don't feel the greatest. Oh well, there's always next time.



~Sarah-Mae

Relationships

Well guys, I must admit that last night was rough. Really rough. You know, friends come and go but there are certain people who stay by your side, no matter what. I have those people as my best friends, I honestly have no idea what I would do if I didn't have them. Sometimes you go through rough times with your friends, sometimes they are the reason times are tough... Sometimes it's best to let those people go, to move on with your life. When you want one thing and your friend wants something else it causes an unbalanced relationship. Or.. When you put so much of your time and effort into a relationship that is going no where, at all, it's oh so very one-sided. It weighs you down, takes so much out of you emotionally. Both parties need to put effort into a relationship if it's going to be healthy, balanced, and just an over-all good relationship.

Why is my relationship with this person imbalanced?

I feel like I'm the only one who puts time into it, I'm the one starting our "conversations", if you could even consider them conversations. I go out of my way to try and talk and see this person, even if I really just don't feel like it. I would just like the other person to try and make things work, to put their own time and effort into it. Is that too much to ask for?

Brianna

Why do Bri and I have such an awesome friendship that will honestly last through high school, college, and so on? We both put time into it, yeah, even we have rough times once in a while of just not feeling like we want to put the effort into attempting to look at least somewhat presentable. Sometimes it's just "too much work". But hey, usually we get off our butts and do it anyways. Why? Because, we are best friends and we'd like to keep it that way. Bri has been there for me through everything. I really mean it when I say it, everything. We officially became best friends over our seventh grade South Dakota Missions Trip. From then on we just clicked, it was really that simple. We are so open with each other, we know everything about each other. I feel like I've known her my ENTIRE life, it's so odd. Odd in a good way. I know with my whole heart that I could tell her absolutely anything without fear of being judged, though different, thought less of, or losing her as my best friend. I barely have a life outside of her, not that I don't go out with other friends and such. We are the same person, yet we are total opposites. Does that even make any sense to you? We are so much alike in such different ways. Argh, I could go on and on about Bri. She is the best. She is so incredibly special. You see, we're going to live together after college hopefully. Our careers permitting, we will share a place. Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I love Bri. The end.





~Sarah-Mae