Why?

Do you ever just lie there wondering why? Why your voice isn't heard, you're screaming but still no one hears you. You've watched and waited and now you're warning, no one listens.

A couple thoughts and feelings

You're the first thing I think of, each morning I arise.

You are the last thing I think of, each night I close my eyes.

My feelings are growing strong, with every move you make. 

You're an angel from above, who takes my pain away.

You are the miracle in my life, who always makes me smile.

Just knowing that you care, makes me life worth-while.

You've touched my heart and my soul, stained it with your love.

Your gentle words will never leave my heart. 

You're everything I want, so pure and true.

I love you with everything I have.

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Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl, it feeds on loneliness and creates a void.

Grey shadows haunt, torment, and abuse.

A girl is stricken and destroyed.

There is not a sound of laughter or a smiling face to see, 

the little ones have given up and took the easy road home.

Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul.

It is futile to hope, dream, and pray.

Emptiness builds a home here in this woman, in this girl, this child, where hollows have bred.

A deepening sea of darkness consumes the soul,  it eats away at every connecting thread.

Confusion feels savage inside of her, she is destined to walk through life less than ordinary.

Alone.

Exiled.

Different.

&

Disdained.

~Sarah-Mae

Mexico - Day Three

I feel like I belong here. Somehow I feel like I fit in, unlike at home; in Bloomington, Minnesota. Something about Mexico just feels right. Everything here feels right. My heart tells me to stay here but my head tells me to go for Princeton or Stanford. I love the culture, the people, the traditions, the atmosphere, the food, the weather. Everything. It's perfect. I must admit that I am worried though, about finding a mate who is up for moving to Mexico. Funny, huh:? But then again, I'm not searching for a man in the first place, I am waiting for God to lead the perfect man to me. I would ask my blog readers to pray for me as my confliction only grows. Pray that God will lead me to where he wants me to be, that I won't put my wants as a human being before His will.


~Sarah-Mae

Whoa it's six in the morning

Well I went out last night which was really good for me, I met up with Christina at Caribou and went on to the park to meet up with Patrick from there. We ended up leaving with a few people including his two sisters, Kelly and Joy. They're pretty awesome. Just saying.
Anyways, we went to Tacobell since them boys were hungry and ended up going to the heart of Burnsville. Patrick ran into the little thing of water so... Joy and I ran after. Long story short, we were soaking wet by the time we left. It was awesome. <3
Anyways, I didn't fall asleep until around 2:30 which was... Awesome... Obviously. Well I woke up at five in the morning, what can you do about it? I've been sleeping on this couch way too often for my liking, I'm sore... ALL. OVER. It hurts to walk today, hahaha... Blah.. I feel like faceplanting into my bed and just lying there for... All day. Heh heh.
I guess this is going to be a much shorter post than I expected. My brain doesn't enjoy trying to function this early in the morning with such little sleep.

The topic of the night is fitting in

Fitting in for me is a difficult thing to do, it might not seem as such though. I have a lot of friends, I get along with almost everyone, and the like. Sometimes it's really emotionally difficult to be the only Asian in the room full of people. I feel out of place. Don't get me wrong now, I absolutely adore my Korean heritage and I wouldn't trade being Korean to be of a different race. That doesn't mean that I don't have issues with feeling uncomfortable most of the time. I love going to Korean restaurants, Asian stores, Korea town in Chicago and Korea town in New York. 

I should really post before I go to sleep

Ah well, people come and go... I find it much easier to just not let people in and grow close to them than you have had such good people in my life. I guess you could say it's the "easy way out" again. I have so much love and I am willing to give it, I just wish that others would return said love.. I've been hurt too many times. You know that phrase "It's better to have loved and lost that love than to have never loved."? I'm to the point where I would much rather have never loved, than to have loved and lost that love. Really.

Oh boy, suddenly I feel ill. Probably because it's 12:10 in the morning, I just took my sleeping pill on an empty stomach, I've been staring at this screen just about all day, I'm practically stating at the ceiling light, and I'm listening to this tragic song which I fell in love with. <3

I sit at the computer a lot, for many different reasons. I think I should invest in a pair of computer glasses. They reflect the glare and such which protects your eyes, you're not supposed to get headaches and such. I found some on Amazon for a decent price, and another pair for not so decent. One-hundred dollars. xD

I wanted to make a longer post but I really don't feel the greatest. Oh well, there's always next time.



~Sarah-Mae

Relationships

Well guys, I must admit that last night was rough. Really rough. You know, friends come and go but there are certain people who stay by your side, no matter what. I have those people as my best friends, I honestly have no idea what I would do if I didn't have them. Sometimes you go through rough times with your friends, sometimes they are the reason times are tough... Sometimes it's best to let those people go, to move on with your life. When you want one thing and your friend wants something else it causes an unbalanced relationship. Or.. When you put so much of your time and effort into a relationship that is going no where, at all, it's oh so very one-sided. It weighs you down, takes so much out of you emotionally. Both parties need to put effort into a relationship if it's going to be healthy, balanced, and just an over-all good relationship.

Why is my relationship with this person imbalanced?

I feel like I'm the only one who puts time into it, I'm the one starting our "conversations", if you could even consider them conversations. I go out of my way to try and talk and see this person, even if I really just don't feel like it. I would just like the other person to try and make things work, to put their own time and effort into it. Is that too much to ask for?

Brianna

Why do Bri and I have such an awesome friendship that will honestly last through high school, college, and so on? We both put time into it, yeah, even we have rough times once in a while of just not feeling like we want to put the effort into attempting to look at least somewhat presentable. Sometimes it's just "too much work". But hey, usually we get off our butts and do it anyways. Why? Because, we are best friends and we'd like to keep it that way. Bri has been there for me through everything. I really mean it when I say it, everything. We officially became best friends over our seventh grade South Dakota Missions Trip. From then on we just clicked, it was really that simple. We are so open with each other, we know everything about each other. I feel like I've known her my ENTIRE life, it's so odd. Odd in a good way. I know with my whole heart that I could tell her absolutely anything without fear of being judged, though different, thought less of, or losing her as my best friend. I barely have a life outside of her, not that I don't go out with other friends and such. We are the same person, yet we are total opposites. Does that even make any sense to you? We are so much alike in such different ways. Argh, I could go on and on about Bri. She is the best. She is so incredibly special. You see, we're going to live together after college hopefully. Our careers permitting, we will share a place. Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I love Bri. The end.





~Sarah-Mae