Whew, what a day

Well, first off I should start by apologizing for not posting sooner. I intended to post more often, honestly. Sometimes things just don't work out, huh?
Lately I've been doing really well, surprisingly... I've gotten out a lot though, which makes my days a lot better. When I go out with my friends nothing else really matters. I can just have fun, like a "normal" teenage girl.

What is "normal"?


I can't get into all of that right now, I'll get back to you on this in a "Society" post. Haha...


I love just hanging out, I could sit around and talk for hours and be totally ecstatic. I don't know... I like and appreciate the little things in life now days, I guess it's becoming a habit of sort. I notice a lot more than the average person, due to my OCD and just the way I am, I suppose. I didn't really... What's the word... Not that I didn't pay attention to the small stuff, I guess I didn't really concern myself with it? It just didn't matter to me. I took things for granted. I took everything for granted. I have learned and I am learning how to notice the "small" things and to really appreciate them. I don't really remember where I was going with this... I'm tired now. Heh heh.
Well anyways. I want to do lots of things in my life. Little and big things such as museum hopping and sky diving. Touring Europe, Asia, etc. Take a road trip, I love driving around. Haha.
If you're interested in museum hopping with me you should definitely let me know. I have to warn you though, I don't do much socializing when I'm at museums. ...I'm a nerd...
I'll take notes... Gawk for a few minutes... Stuff like that... But hey, you're more than welcome to keep me company. If you love me, take me to the Science Museum or like... Fort Snelling... Even the art museum. :p





~Sarah-Mae

Relationships

Well guys, I must admit that last night was rough. Really rough. You know, friends come and go but there are certain people who stay by your side, no matter what. I have those people as my best friends, I honestly have no idea what I would do if I didn't have them. Sometimes you go through rough times with your friends, sometimes they are the reason times are tough... Sometimes it's best to let those people go, to move on with your life. When you want one thing and your friend wants something else it causes an unbalanced relationship. Or.. When you put so much of your time and effort into a relationship that is going no where, at all, it's oh so very one-sided. It weighs you down, takes so much out of you emotionally. Both parties need to put effort into a relationship if it's going to be healthy, balanced, and just an over-all good relationship.

Why is my relationship with this person imbalanced?

I feel like I'm the only one who puts time into it, I'm the one starting our "conversations", if you could even consider them conversations. I go out of my way to try and talk and see this person, even if I really just don't feel like it. I would just like the other person to try and make things work, to put their own time and effort into it. Is that too much to ask for?

Brianna

Why do Bri and I have such an awesome friendship that will honestly last through high school, college, and so on? We both put time into it, yeah, even we have rough times once in a while of just not feeling like we want to put the effort into attempting to look at least somewhat presentable. Sometimes it's just "too much work". But hey, usually we get off our butts and do it anyways. Why? Because, we are best friends and we'd like to keep it that way. Bri has been there for me through everything. I really mean it when I say it, everything. We officially became best friends over our seventh grade South Dakota Missions Trip. From then on we just clicked, it was really that simple. We are so open with each other, we know everything about each other. I feel like I've known her my ENTIRE life, it's so odd. Odd in a good way. I know with my whole heart that I could tell her absolutely anything without fear of being judged, though different, thought less of, or losing her as my best friend. I barely have a life outside of her, not that I don't go out with other friends and such. We are the same person, yet we are total opposites. Does that even make any sense to you? We are so much alike in such different ways. Argh, I could go on and on about Bri. She is the best. She is so incredibly special. You see, we're going to live together after college hopefully. Our careers permitting, we will share a place. Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I love Bri. The end.





~Sarah-Mae

I'm going to try it, I can't help it

I can't really handle all this stuff anymore I really can't. I want to go back to the hospital and stay there, I can't handle taking care of everybody else anymore. I can't even take care of myself. Sure, I don't like blood but I'm going to try it anyways. I am going to feel the blade of my razor sliding across my skin, I am going to watch the blood trickle down my arm and onto the floor and I will be satisfied. I can't help it anymore, I have to try it. I have to. I can't help myself anymore, and no one can help me. I've tried to put the pieces back together, but they aren't fitting. Something is still wrong. I can't put my finger on it.. Sometimes life is just too stressful for me. 

I am so tired. I wanted to take a nap. I tried, I really did. I think about what it would be like to go out and get high, to sleep around, to get hammered. Would it take away my problems in that moment? Probably. I want to go through a rebellious stage, I want to do all those things. I'd be so addicted, but I'd be free of my immediate problems. I'll be sitting on the floor, staring down at my wrist as I slide the blades over it, enamored with the sensations that will follow. It will grant me freedom, I will have control, I will own it. 

~Sarah-Mae